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Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A season of Love
This morning after stretching, then carefully undoing the charlie's in my leg...I rose. It's an age thing. You'll see. It happens after years of self-inflicted body torture. The torture is done but the consequences of negligence continue.
It's going to be a beautiful day. The evidence is ALL over my refrigerator. There are as many weddings to attend this summer as I have toenails!
Just lots and lots of weddings. I'm happy. It convinces me that the sacred bond and trust of marriage is still alive; that the establishment that has existed since the dawn of ages is still valid. That people still believe in a sacred commitment of marriage to their one and only. I'm delighted, thankful and relieved that it is still so.
I am reminded of the very moment I fell in love for the last time. We were on his Harley headed home from Pinos Altos.
He reached back and softly touched my leg. I knew I loved him. The feeling went ALL over me. I knew that very moment. I knew I could not live without him. I knew we would marry...
And we did.
It is truly a remarkable marriage. Not the first for either of us but the first time either of us have loved so completely. This is indeed my season of love; my season of love for eternity.
And now...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Leftover Insecurities!
So I was doing some thinking today...
Because of the downturn in the economy my husband went to work out of town. I miss him. He is not here to weedeat, to fix the plumbing, to advise me when the car is making weird knocking noises, to discipline the eight year old when mommy is tired and frustrated. He is gone all week when I need to talk 'til 2 in the morning, when I want to share a "cute" grandbaby story, when I am sitting on the porch reveling in the first thunderstorm of the season. And I so miss him!
And I discover that his absence brings old insecurities to the surface. Insecurities left behind by a former marriage; a former husband who did not know what faithful meant. A previous marriage fraught with infidelity and betrayal.
After he is home this last weekend I notice a phone number scribbled on a scrap of paper by the computer. I do a reverse lookup. It is a cell phone number with an out of state prefix. I block my number and call. I can't breathe. I am afraid to hear the voice that answers. All I get is a women's voicemail. No name. I put the number aside and tell myself I am being silly.
It is late but I can't sleep. I know that my husband is true. He is loyal, staunch and dependable and furthermore....I KNOW he loves me. But my sleep is fitful and I wake in the morning feeling hung over.
After I have been up, had breakfast and watched Regis and Kelly, the devoted love of my life calls. I ask about the number. He searches his brain but cannot remember whose number it is. Finally hours later, he calls and tells me it is my sister-in-law. I look into my cellphone. Of course, we never memorize numbers anymore. We just click on the name. Alas! There is it. My sister-in-law. I truly feel like an idiot. But I must blame it on someone or something... Surely it is not my own fault I suffer this paranoid psychosis.
Darn Ex husbands!
Because of the downturn in the economy my husband went to work out of town. I miss him. He is not here to weedeat, to fix the plumbing, to advise me when the car is making weird knocking noises, to discipline the eight year old when mommy is tired and frustrated. He is gone all week when I need to talk 'til 2 in the morning, when I want to share a "cute" grandbaby story, when I am sitting on the porch reveling in the first thunderstorm of the season. And I so miss him!
And I discover that his absence brings old insecurities to the surface. Insecurities left behind by a former marriage; a former husband who did not know what faithful meant. A previous marriage fraught with infidelity and betrayal.
After he is home this last weekend I notice a phone number scribbled on a scrap of paper by the computer. I do a reverse lookup. It is a cell phone number with an out of state prefix. I block my number and call. I can't breathe. I am afraid to hear the voice that answers. All I get is a women's voicemail. No name. I put the number aside and tell myself I am being silly.
It is late but I can't sleep. I know that my husband is true. He is loyal, staunch and dependable and furthermore....I KNOW he loves me. But my sleep is fitful and I wake in the morning feeling hung over.
After I have been up, had breakfast and watched Regis and Kelly, the devoted love of my life calls. I ask about the number. He searches his brain but cannot remember whose number it is. Finally hours later, he calls and tells me it is my sister-in-law. I look into my cellphone. Of course, we never memorize numbers anymore. We just click on the name. Alas! There is it. My sister-in-law. I truly feel like an idiot. But I must blame it on someone or something... Surely it is not my own fault I suffer this paranoid psychosis.
Darn Ex husbands!
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